The most empowering decisions are never easy to make. Staying authentic and true to yourself is much easier said than done. Today, I am opening up to you in raw vulnerability, as I share a deeply personal experience with you. As you read this, please be open-minded and kind-hearted.
My book “Best Thing Ever: Escape Disappointment and Drama and Let True Love Into Your Life” came out earlier this year. I would’ve never written it if it wasn’t for my own blissful relationship with Aleksey – my amazing beloved husband, best friend and dedicated partner. We co-created a magical fairy tale -like life together, traveled, had fun and truly never argued.
Love from the first sight (on his end) and a reciprocal response from me a week later; marriage in two months and more than five greatest years together. We devoted our relationship to be mutually joyful. We played full out and inspired many other happy unions.
There were challenges that we faced and moved on, but a few of them remained unresolved. A relationship is simply a mirror that reflects inner barriers that we built against love. When these blocks are removed permanently a relationship strengthens and intimacy deepens. If the resolution is not found, however, a relationship becomes a magnifying glass which increasingly points out the resistance.
Being an expert in transformation, an intuitive, and having worked with many people by helping them resolve major unconscious blocks, I know that change doesn’t happen from the place of comfort. Real breakthroughs occur as a result of pain, because it’s a much more powerful motivator than pleasure.
We created a comfortable cocoon of love, care and acceptance. It was so cozy and nice and we consistently escaped facing some unattractive realities. After all, for the most part our marriage was extraordinary, why stir the pot and dig deeper?
There is a price to this comfort though – we sabotaged our own growth and were dragging our feet personally and professionally.
I found myself at the fork in the road facing the hardest decision in my life: Do I stay in my Best Thing Ever relationship with the fantastic man I was blessed with, yet the challenges will not be resolved, dissatisfactions will grow and we both will not live our fullest potential? Or, do I find the courage to transform our relationship so that we both step up and live our lives to the fullest?
Fears. The army of them rushed in like seagulls when you throw a piece of bread, clouding my mind.
“What if I’ll never find the partner who will love me as much as my husband?” “I am a relationship expert, will this disqualify me?” “No one will understand this” “How am I going to run my business on my own?” “Will I survive without his support and help – he IS my main support?!” “I will miss him!”
And the biggest fear of all that paralyzed me, put tears on my face and was the most painful of all:
“What if the people who read my book and resonated with its message lose hope? What if they decide that Love isn’t real? What if they lose faith in blissful relationships? What if they get disappointed and give up?”
I had to master my courage more than ever before. Walking on fire was nothing comparing to this. I had to step up, live my own truths and practice the exact things I teach:
- Love is always there, but relationship is a choice and it has to support both partners in their personal evolution
- A blissful relationship doesn’t mean everlasting relationship, and if it’s time to part ways, then it should be done in a blissful and loving way
- Personal integrity comes first. Honesty with yourself and complete authenticity is the key to lasting happiness
I had to be brutally honest with myself and ask what is truly best for both of us. The answer was obvious. Fears created some internal turbulence, but what my heart was telling me was evident. It was time to move on.
We all hope that we won’t be presented with a choice like this. But if this happens, the only path I’ll always choose is LOVE. In our case, this meant parting ways.
If you ask why we didn’t try to resolve our challenges? Truth be told, there is more to the story. As an intuitive, I was strongly guided to complete our journey. There were unbelievable synchronicities every step of the way. Any time I’d have a doubt, the Universe would speak loud and clear. The messages were everywhere: on the pictures on the wall, in what people would say out of the blue, in online videos – you name it.
The uneasy conversation started in the car. Right after I broke the shocking news, we were pulling in to park by the beach and saw a guy completely naked in front of his car, covering his private parts with swimmers. There were no people around and he was changing; we drove from around the corner catching his bare body, and causing surprise and embarrassment on his face. Our intense moment was softened with laughter. This poor fellow was just too funny shyly clinging into his car for coverage.
Further, as we walked by the ocean, there were dolphins! They were joyously swimming and playing in the water. In a few months of us living by the beach and walking along the shore almost daily we never saw them. That evening, they were blessing our way into separate directions.
Of course, there were tears and sadness, but there was also a tremendous amount of understanding, mutual appreciation and joy of new possibility.
Our relationship is changing form. It was and IS beautiful and loving. It was and IS our Best Thing Ever. Aleksey is now traveling through Europe on a quest to discover his true calling and professional passion. I remain in the US, continue serving my clients and sharing my wealth of knowledge and wisdom with you.
We will both create the next evolution of a blissful relationship in our individual lives. We are still loving and supportive of each other which really puzzles those who witness us, because they have a completely different image of a couple going through a divorce. We both learned that when a relationship is blissful, parting ways is blissful too.
Today, I am sure more than ever that LOVE is never the question, it’s always available. You either open your heart to its radiance, or you close off and suffer.
My dedication to teaching how to open to love in all life’s circumstances remains. Now I received an opportunity to practice opening more than ever before, being vulnerable and exposed, yet trusting. Nothing stands still, change is the only constant. I embrace this change and invite you to welcome new turns in your life’s journey.